What inspired the story behind “My Rules”?
I think we have all probably experienced being in the company of someone who asserts “My way or the highway”. Sometimes this can be a strength, an ability to know oneself well and to preserve healthy boundaries. At other times, where collaboration is required, a lack of flexibility and an inability to compromise can be self-limiting.
Working in different bands and song-writing set-ups over the years, I have observed both ends of the scale. I have also seen similar issues played out in the work place of family and friends as well as in romantic relationships or families with their children. When I wrote this song, I was thinking about people who have particularly fixed rigidities/rules about what they will do or won’t do for a variety of different reasons. I was interested in exploring the fine line between someone’s will and their capacity when it comes to change. Some people have the will but not the way and vice versa.
I was also interested in the question of influence and how far a positive relationship can go towards expanding a person’s window of tolerance. Sometimes, we experience people who appear to be great enablers of change in others. In contrast, we can experience other examples where there is still no leg room, even in emergencies! It takes time as well as different settings to learn where the boundaries are. It is easy, however, to either over-estimate or under-estimate a person’s capacity to be either fixed or fluid.
How does “My Rules” fit into the theme of your album “Near Life Experience”?
The ambition to really live as opposed to nearly live, is not about fulfilling all your dreams, travelling the world or bungee jumping. It is about living life consciously. Whilst there is much that we cannot control, by being as self-aware as we can, it means that the choices we can make are more likely to be authentic. This extends not only to ourselves but in interaction with other people. When applying this within the context of “My Rules”, I am reminded of the Serenity prayer “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”.
What message do you hope to convey with this song?
To bring out the complexities of these issues so that people can reflect further on their own experiences. To encourage thinking around when and whether self-imposed or external rules are either helpful or a hindrance.
How did you approach the song-writing for “My Rules”?
Like the majority of songs that I write for myself (as opposed to commissions or songs for other artists), it literally wrote itself very quickly. When I have been thinking about something for a long time, it is always brewing like a tea in the background. By the time I come to sit at the piano, it usually means there is something I am ready to express. Once I have found the chords that fit the emotion I am feeling, it won’t be long before a few useable lyrics pop out in-between random words that I sing whilst focussed on the melody. When I pay close attention to what words do emerge, I am then able to filter out the important ones and grasp what the song is about. From this point on the rest of the words will follow quite easily.
What can fans expect from the official video for “My Rules”?
A lot of fun and humour! When adults become stubborn or blocked in their thinking, whether in a band, board meeting, or political battle, they can appear regressed, much like playground antics! Just as there is a difference between a healthy challenging of authority, versus complete inability to take direction, there is also healthy artistic integrity, versus a devaluing of other people’s contributions. Humour can be a useful way of gaining perspective, so I thought this would be a good way of telling the story. We interchange the same dynamics (a figure of authority, alongside a rule breaker and a bystander) within two different settings commonly associated with rules and hierarchy. There is also the backdrop of a literal tug of war, which is also the metaphor running through the song and video. It illustrates the central premise, which is the underlying question of whether any movement will be possible with someone who struggles to compromise.
Photo Credit: Marsha Swanson.